


All About You

by BlindCupid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Language, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Suicidal Thoughts, Werewolves are dark creatures, adorably awkward teens crushing on each other, depressed teenagers, fem!snape, or Snape realizes said heart exists, starts sad but stay with me, this pairing is beautiful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:47:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24208444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlindCupid/pseuds/BlindCupid
Summary: The day after the Shrieking Shack, Severina just wants Remus to know something- she knows what it’s like to be something dark.Title inspired by the song "All About You" by Birdy
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severina Snape, Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Comments: 44
Kudos: 319





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PixieBobFields](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixieBobFields/gifts).



Remus sat through Arithmancy, fist clenched, teeth gritted, spine hunched over his work without seeing it. How could he when his whole attention was on the smell that his flared-nostrils breathed in hungrily? He could smell her from across the room. 

The Wolf’s hunger lingered. She had been there last night. James and Sirius told him what happened and Headmaster Dumbledore assured him that Severina would not tell anyone.

So what? What if she told? Maybe it would be a relief. Maybe it was what he deserved. 

He could have killed her. Even now, neither she nor his own soul was safe from the monster inside of him- the Wolf. It could smell her. Even if no one had told him that she’d gotten into the shack last night, he’d have known. 

He smelt her this morning and his stomach growled. It had repulsed him so much that he vomited half-way through the tunnel. He had pushed himself to the opposite side and sat in the dirt, under that ugly ass tree, across from his own vomit that masked her scent and curbed his hunger for...

He had wept, because what was the point? How could he live with this curse every month... every fucking month! He’d never escaped his monster. How could he keep going without hope, like this?

Something struck him oddly... he wondered if he even remembered what a full moon looked like without pain immediately following. He only ever caught a glimpse and never once did he think it beautiful. No, it always shot fear and pain through him like being struck by lightning, again and again, every month. 

What was the point? 

The smell of her spiked and his attention snapped to her. She had brushed her hair out of her face and it had released her scent across the room to him. He stared at her, eyes half-lidded, for a full minute before he shook himself like shaking morning dew, trying to free himself from the cravings of the Wolf. 

He rubbed a hand down his face and his stomach growled. His face twisted and a sob caught in his throat. 

Class ended and he wasn’t sure if he was more relieved or frustrated. He tried to leave as quickly as he could. Leave her and her scent behind him. Maybe at least he could escape that. 

Cold, slender fingers grasped his wrist and the shock of contact caused him to stop in his tracks and his head to snapped immediately back.

Severina stood in the hallway, holding his wrist, eyes wide and searching but it was to her throat his eyes were drawn. Her skin looked soft and tender, the muscles moved delicately as she swallowed and Remus gritted his teeth to keep from licking his lips.

“Lupin,’ she dropped his wrist and looked nervously as the rest of the class passed them by and they were soon alone. ‘Can I talk to you?”

Remus didn’t answer, he couldn’t. He stared at her hard, body tensed, teeth gritted, nostrils flared.

Severina didn’t shift or back down or look away from him. She simply started talking, “When I first realized I was a witch; really realized... I mean that magic was something that didn’t just happen but something I could learn, I could control. I found some of my mother’s spell books that she had hidden away. I studied them every chance I got. I memorized them. I borrowed her wand without her knowing and I practiced them until I was so exhausted I’d take naps at random times, my Da still thinks I’m lazy to this day.’ She huffed, ‘I was too young to understand anything about dark or light magic. Even if I did, it wouldn’t have mattered. To me it was just...magic,’ she breathed out the word like she still hadn’t lost her wonder for it, ‘It was just magic. I didn’t know until I came here that it was dark magic I had learned. By then it was already too late...”

Remus squinted and shook his head as he asked, “Why are you telling me this?”

Severina shifted, looking at nothing, around the hall, “I don’t know...,’ she sounded tired. She looked back at him, ‘I guess I just, wanted you to know, that... I understand what it is like to be considered something that’s... dark,... misunderstood, reviled by society?” Her lip twitched into a fleeting smirk. 

She smelled dark... Merlin, she smelled so good. Remus grew angry- he didn’t want her to smell like this. 

Through clenched teeth and watering eyes, he asked, “What the hell were you thinking last night? I could’ve killed you.” 

Severina merely looked at him, unfazed. She shook her head slowly.

“I had a dark curse on my lips and my wand in my hand. I could already feel the magic coursing through me. Had Potter not come when he did, I’d have killed you first.” She said it matter-of-factly and unmoved. Her eyes were serious, free from posturing. He saw a slight tremor in her hand and he believed her.

He spoke in barely a whisper, “I’m sorry James pulled you out, then.” 

He winced. The truth, spoken aloud, and a witness to hear... he closed his eyes and hung his head. He was so tired... so fucking tired. He didn’t want to go back to the shack next month... but there was nowhere else to go. 

Featherlight finger-tips gathered his face. They were so delicate he thought maybe he was imagining them. They were so cold- like ice against his fevered skin; he wondered that they didn’t melt down his neck. Lips pressed gently against his.

His mind screamed simultaneously- “No, don’t feed the monster!” and growled, “Just a taste!”

Her lips rested against his for just a moment. Just for comfort and a sign that she understood, on some level, what he was feeling. He could almost taste her darkness and Wolf nearly howled to it like it were the moon. 

She started to pull away, but he followed and pulled her back. He was surrounded by her scent. His hands buried in her hair and tilted her head to the side. His tongue licked the seam of her lips and a rumbling growl vibrated against the back of his throat, reverberating through his chest. 

She tasted... good. 

The seam broke open and he lunged forward; his tongue sliding against hers, tasting the roof of her mouth and the insides of her cheeks. She tried to pull away panting but his teeth caught her bottom lip and lapped at that too. 

Fingernails scratched gently at his scalp, following the curve of his head. In soothing, sweeping motions, her finger ran through his hair- across his temple, behind his ear, down the base of his skull. 

She tried to pull her mouth away but his grip on her tightened and pulled her back in. He tasted her mouth, again and again, each time a little less urgent but never less needy. His lips slowed and she caressed him again until he realized she was... petting him like a dog. 

His head fell against her neck, resting in her shoulder. He whimpered- not like a boy or even a young man... but like a dog. 

He sobbed.

He would never be free. It wasn’t just one night a month. It was all the time, inside of him and he couldn’t escape himself. 

“Shh....’ like a gentle breeze against his ear, ‘shhh...”

His shoulders which had been racked with sobbing, drooped and with a great sigh his tears stopped. Severina brushed her hands up and down his back. 

He breathed in her scent, noting the change- he wasn’t so hungry anymore.

Remus lifted his head and looked at Severina, “Do me a favor?’ He asked.

She only nodded.

“Don’t tell me everything is going to be okay,” he rasped.

She sighed and said, “I wouldn’t lie to you like that.” 

Remus breathed easy and slipped his fingered through hers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay maybe not a one shot then... let’s see where this goes. I can write three fics at once right?

Remus hadn’t let her hand go and Severina didn’t seem to mind. In reality, she was too busy hiding her blushing face behind her hair. 

“Do you have class right now?” Remus stopped to asked her and his eyes looked open and gentle. 

“Uh, no. You?”

“Nah, I usually go back and take a nap before dinner.’ His soft laugh was brief and laced with self-deprecation, ‘but I don’t know that I really want to go to my room right now.” 

Severina nodded, “I usually go to the library?” Her statement more of a question- ‘do you want to come with me? Stay with me?’

Why would he? Still... it was weird, this feeling like they shared something. He might not remember anything that happened last night, but somehow she knew he was the only one who actually understood the severity of last night’s impact on their lives. 

The truth was... it was her fault and the guilt was more than she’d thought it’d be.

It wasn’t like she had a crush on him or anything. She wasn’t some crazy stocker.

Well, she supposed that was debatable.

She had noticed the patterns and Madame Pomfrey escorting Lupin to the Whomping Willow. It had eaten at her... the curiosity, maybe? Curiosity didn’t seem like strong enough word for what she had felt before last night. More like desperation. She, of course, suspected but she didn’t actually know until she saw it with her own eyes. 

It had been stupid. It wasn’t like Black pushed her into the damn shack... She had gone in herself.

Maybe...

Merlin, she had been so scared. She’d never been so scared before. 

Why had she gone in there?

Maybe she had wanted an easy way out and she hated the Marauders enough to let them carry the blame for it. 

How had she become so desperate? 

Then, facing the werewolf... survival instincts kicked in. She just wanted to live and she was willing to kill in order to survive. There had been a moment, right before Potter grabbed her when she looked right into the werewolf’s eyes and believed that she was about to kill Remus Lupin. 

That willingness was what surprised her. The spell might not have even worked. He could have very well killed her in the end.

When Lupin said that he was sorry Potter had pulled her out rather than let her... she understood. Because if she were to be perfectly honest, there was a part of her that had hoped her spell wouldn’t work. 

She felt so tired. She didn’t want to go back to the Slytherin dorms. She didn’t want to go home to Tobias. She was tired of being overlooked, tired of being misunderstood, tired of not belonging anywhere. 

She had seen a way out. 

Severina recalled reading this saying once, an Arabic proverb: “You want to die? Then throw yourself into the sea and you’ll see yourself fighting to survive. You do not want to kill yourself, rather you want to kill something inside of you.”

Maybe she had just wanted to dive into the sea.

She hadn’t slept for the rest of the night. Potter was angry, self-righteous. Sirius unrepentant, feeling justified. Dumbledore was disappointed or disgusted with her, desperate to cover his own tracks.

Fuck ‘em. She did what she did and it had changed her.

She had watched herself fight to survive. So then, what was it inside of herself she was trying to kill?

She still wasn’t sure.

She knew what Lupin’s was, though. She knew why he said what he did. He wanted to kill the wolf. 

Severina looked over at Lupin. He had come with her to the library and was nodding off over his books. 

Guilt sat uneasily in her gut. It twisted until it burned up through her chest. She would have either killed him or made him a murder. 

She kinda felt like her mind, after last night, was sifting through her whole life. There may have been a moment when her life flashed before her eyes, she hardly remembered specifics. Now, that she survived, her life needed to be re-evaluated. 

She hardly knew where to start, but the strange thing about surviving was that every moment she kept living felt like a step forward. 

Severina carefully took Lupin’s books out from under him and cast a cushioning charm on the desk. He blinked at her tiredly and smiled a little. 

Why did that hurt? 

He lay his head on his arms and she tried to go back to reading but his hand came out and took hers. Then, he put her hand in his hair. Severina tried to be gentle. She hadn’t much practice but she tried to brush his hair in a way she thought might be soothing.

His hair was sort of coarse and dry, but thick. She watched her fingers disappear into it, slipping through without resistance. Her nails scraped gently against his scalp.

What a strange feeling it was, to comfort another person in such a simple way. Just an innocent touch, but his shoulders relaxed and his breath evened. She was sure he’d fallen asleep and she took a moment to study him.

He certainly didn’t look like a werewolf while he slept on his forearms, mouth opened slightly and face relaxed. He wasn’t as conventionally handsome as Black or Potter; just normal. An average person, unremarkable at first glance. What a juxtaposition now, alongside the memory of the monstrous wolf who had charged at her with such hunger and ferocity.

She brushed through his hair once more and grazed the back of her fingers down his cheek and jaw. She thought to lean in and press her lips against his sleeping face but resisted. 

She sighed in frustration and exhaustion.

He had kissed her, hadn’t he? No, he had nearly devoured her; it had almost been frightening. Not that she had been scared, only very aware that he wasn’t really in his right mind. He had only wanted comfort, hadn’t he? That’s what she had wanted and more than that, she had wanted to give comfort. It wasn’t really apart of her personality in general, so she hardly knew if she wasn’t just fucking everything up. 

Severina felt so lost today and yet, there was some part of her that felt a peace. Like, maybe she had been lost before, but now she was set on a better path. It was hard to say. 

All she knew was that she didn’t feel bitter anymore.

She had always felt so bitter and angry all the time. Maybe that was what she needed to kill inside of herself- that bitterness. Maybe it was already dead, or maybe it was just tired. 

Lupin was snoring gently and drooling a little on his arm when his friends showed up. Severina wondered how they had found them. They all gave her angry, spiteful, suspicious looks. 

Potter shook Lupin awake. 

“Come on Moony, let's get you some dinner, yeah?”

Severina looked back at her books and ignored them. Well, she tried...

“No. I’d rather stay here, thanks.” Remus grumbled.

“What, with Snape?’ Black spoke up, ‘Look, mate, you don’t need to feel bad about last night. She’s the one who was being a nosy little bitch.”

Severina winced. 

“I don’t want to talk to you right now, Black.” Remus mumbled. 

“What?’ Black actually sounded hurt, ‘What are you mad at me for? It’s not like I forced her to go. She knew what she was walking into. She should’ve minded her business,’ Black was speaking in her direction now, ‘She should get her own fucking life and stop obsessing over ours.”

Potter’s voice scoffed, “She’s been trying to get us expelled since first-year. She’s just spiteful and jealous. Wasn’t even grateful I saved her life.”

She felt a hand on her arm, the grip tight. She looked over into Lupin’s tired eyes. He looked like he wanted to ask her something but couldn’t find the right words. Perhaps his unspoken question was the same as her own.

She answered mater-of-factly, in a whisper, “We all have monsters inside of us that we’d like to kill.” 

Remus swallowed and looked disgusted, “You would’ve let me murder you? You hate me so much? You’d have me in Azkaban right now?”

Severina scoffed an rolled her eyes, “You’d have gotten over it. Don’t pretend you lot don’t hate me just as much. Besides, you wouldn’t have gone to Azkaban. Dumbledore would’ve covered it up.”

“You really believe that?’ Remus asked, shocked, ‘You think Dumbledore would’ve just covered up something like that?”

Severina just looked at him incredulously and with confidence, she answered, “Of course. He practically already has. Would’ve done, even if it had been worse.’ Then she blinked and shrugged in thought, ‘It wouldn’t have taken much actually. All he’d have to do is stage my body by the Whomping Willow and say the tree did it. It would’ve made an example of me and kept anyone else from even going near the tree or the passage again. They aren’t going to send a tree to Azkaban.”

“Coward.” Black scoffed in disgust.

Remus ignored him, “You’ve really thought about this haven’t you?”

No, actually she hadn’t. Maybe subconsciously... Seemed to make sense though.

“I mean, why plant a Whomping Willow as a deterrent? Specially? It’s not at all an easy plant to come by. It’s probably exactly what it’s there for. The shape of its branches would look like scratches and it could easily be believed to cause a brutal killing.”

“Merlin, Sniv, you’re a fucking nutter aren’t you?” Pettigrew asked almost sincerely.

Severina shrugged and sighed. She gathered her things and pushed Lupin’s books toward him. He was looking at her thoughtfully while the others looked at her like she was a nutter. 

She walked away, without feeling defensive or angry or bitter. She didn’t feel crazy. Unless that’s what this peace was. Unless feeling free from your own monster was insanity...

Severina Snape walked away wondering what it might take to free Lupin from his monster too.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus felt like he was watching Severina Snape transform before his eyes. Not like he did every month, not into a monster. No, she was transforming into... well he wasn’t quite sure. She seemed more peaceful, happier except that nothing in her life had really changed. 

It was beautiful. It warmed his heart and comforted him in a way he so sorely needed. 

Two days after the full moon, he was almost back to normal. At least, he didn’t feel like biting Sirius’s head off all the time. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about her. About how she tasted, sweet and dark and a little bitter. Like chocolate. Remus felt his tongue wet his lips and he laughed at himself.

“What? What’s so funny, Moony?” James asked, next to him in potions lab.

They sat in behind Severina and Lily. They were focused on their potion and much further along than he and James. Not only because they both were talented at potions but also, he and James couldn’t stop staring, after the girls took off their outer robes, rolled up their sleeves, and tied their hair back. 

“Nothing, Prongs." Remus said, shaking himself.

He picked up a knife and started preparing the lovage leaves for the Befuddlement Draught. Until, he realized he hadn’t actually read the recipe,

“Does it say slice or mince the lovage?”

“Err… slice.”

“Does it say how? Like... diagonally?”

Remus felt movement from the corner of his eye and he could smell her. Just as he was about to look up, her slender fingers wrapped around his hand. 

“It’s better if you mince.” She said.

“The instructions say to slice it.” James said a bit mocking but half-hearted because not even James could ignore that Snape knew her way around a potion.

“The instructions are wrong...” she said absentmindedly, and Remus cocked his head wondering what she was thinking about. 

She was looking at the knife in his hand and slipped it from his hold, turning his hand over. Her fingers grazed over his palm where the silver handle had been. She didn’t seem to realize what she was doing. She was simply overtaken by her own curiosity. 

Remus chuckled and she snapped out of her curious trance.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

Severina proceeded to take the leaves and stack them, “If you roll them together and slice them, it’ll save a lot of time. Then mince.” 

Her knife moved so quickly and effortlessly, Remus thought he might miss it if he blinked. She scooped up the minced lovage and added it to their potion. 

“Add one anticlockwise stir after the clockwise stir to get the dark-green color faster.” She said before going back to her station with Lily, who was just finishing up the anticlockwise stir.

Remus and James looked at each other and shrugged. They, Lily and Severina were the only ones to get perfect marks that day. 

Remus hadn’t stopped smiling since Severina touched his hand. He couldn’t stop even if he tried. Not that he was going to try. 

He wasn’t angry with her. How could he be? He understood. Mostly he was just worried... but then she’d checked his hand to see if the silver had hurt him... 

He watched her linger behind, pacing herself and watching him from the corner of her eyes. Remus chuckled through his nose. 

James was already chatting up Lily. Sirius and Peter were likely waiting in the hall.

Remus decided he was tired of waiting for her to come to him. It’d only been two days and he wasn’t sure if Snape might hate him, or fear him or something. He didn’t hate her. Hate was too heavy a burden and he had enough to bear. 

He stepped toward her just as she stepped in his direction and they were nearly chest to chest. 

“Hey.” He said, trying to at least keep his smile from being too obvious. 

“Hello,” she said, pulling at her hair tie, releasing her black strands and gathering them over her shoulder. Her scent pooled around him. She smelled sweet and a little musky- earthy with a little spice. He was taller than she was and she had to look up at him. He liked that.

Severina spoke. Her voice had a smooth, rich quality and Remus had a hard time deciding if it was as soft as velvet or as smooth as cream, maybe both at once. 

“So... silver? Doesn’t?” She asked.

Remus felt his grin widen and he shook his head, “No, just folklore.”

“Oh, right, of course, I knew that...’ she said, her eyes shifting around then finally landing on him with a sigh, ‘It’s just that... my books are sometimes...’ she sighed more heavily and mumbled, ‘out of date.” 

Remus blinked a moment and looked down at the books in her hand. They were worn and tattered and the cover designs were different than the current copies carried by most everyone else.

“Ah, yeah I know what you mean,” he shrugged and tilted up his own second-hand texts. His parents weren’t poor, they were average middle-class people, but raising a son with lycanthropy came with its own unique financial strains. 

Severina smiled, a little twitch in her lip that pulled up on one side and pulled at her eyes. Remus realized that she smiled more with her eyes than she did with her mouth. For some reason, it made him feel like he had just swallowed a mouthful of hot chocolate and could feel the warmth travel down his throat and warm his chest and belly.

“Where are you headed?” Remus asked.

“Transfigurations. You have Herbology?” 

“Yeah, how did you… oh right, Lily. Umm, can I walk you?” 

Severina glanced toward the doors, “I think your friends are waiting for you.” 

Remus turned and saw the other Marauders watching them. Lily had likely gone already. She usually walked with Mary Macdonald, if he remembered correctly.

“You guys go on. I’ll catch up.” Remus said with a smile. 

Sirius didn’t move right away, watching them through squinted eyes and a furrowed brow. James practically dragged him away, probably eager enough to get a seat close to Lily. Peter followed. 

When Remus looked back at Severina, she tucked her hair behind her ear and hugged her books to her chest with both arms. They walked in awkward silence while Remus thought about what he wanted to say and how to say it. Also, he was rather distracted by the thought of holding her hand again, except both her hands were still hugging her books to her chest. 

Remus was both surprised and relieved that Severina broke the silence first, “So… you’re a half-blood, right?”

At first Remus’s eyes narrowed, because- did it matter? Was she judging him? Everyone knew Slytherins valued blood-purity... Then he realized...

“Yeah, my dad’s a wizard and my mum’s a muggle. You’re a half-blood too, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but the other way round. My mother is a witch and my father is a muggle.” 

Severina looked him in the eye and he thought that it meant something to her that they were both half-bloods. There must not be a lot of half-bloods in Slytherin. Come to think of it, Remus couldn’t say there were very many half-bloods in his own social sphere. It did feel significant like it was just one more thing they had in common and he wondered how many more they’d find. 

“My dad saved my mum from a boggart. That’s how they met.” Remus told her and hoped it hadn't sounded too random.

Severina smiled politely but then her face dropped in thought.

“What?” He asked.

She shook her head a little and said, “Uh, just umm… It’s nothing.”

“No tell me, please.”

“No, it’s just,’ she shrugged, ‘I was imagining it. Your mother wouldn’t have known what she was seeing. To her, she would’ve been faced with her worst fear and your dad came along, knowing what it really was, and simply destroyed it. But to her, he had just killed her own personal monster.”

Remus stopped walking and so did she. He simply stared at her. He remembered her in the library, saying, _“We all have monsters inside of us that we’d like to kill.”_ That’s why she had gone into the Shrieking Shack… she wanted someone who could kill her monster. 

Remus felt like someone had just pushed him in the chest. He swallowed and bent toward her a little to ask quietly, the thing he’d been meaning to find the words for, 

“Have you killed your monster?” his voice rasped when he asked it.

She shrugged.

“Are you…’ he shifted, ‘going to try to… again?”

She shook her head, “No. I think, what I really wanted was to just find my will to survive. You know?”

“Yeah,’ he said to the floor, ‘Find the strength to keep going even though… nothing really changes.”

They were both quiet for a moment before Severina spoke with a sigh,

“Maybe… maybe a change in perspective is enough to make a difference.”

Remus looked up at her and smiled. Her eyes were thoughtful, dark, and intelligent. Her lips and brow pinched in thought. There were things missing in her face that used to be nearly permanent fixtures. Her scowl was gone, the anger in her eyes had vanished, the tension in her shoulders relaxed. 

“I think it makes all the difference,” he said.


	4. Chapter 4

Severina hadn’t seen much of Lupin, not that she had been paying attention. If she had been paying attention, she would have seen his amused looks in her direction while her nose was firmly in her books. The OWL examinations had started and she was in her own little world that only Lily seemed to be able to break into every once in a while. 

Lily had said that she might meet her at the tree by the lake after the prefect farewell party. So here she sat, in the cool shade of the tree near the black lake. The fresh air and warm breeze felt reviving. Not that she cared for fresh air as much as Lily, but she enjoyed it today. Especially after the stress of the OWLs. She had thought she’d done well enough so far. 

“Merlin I’m soooo boooored.” She heard Sirius Black's voice not too far away. 

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we? Not on our lasts days together before summer.’ Potter’s voice said, there was a pause before he must have spotted her, ‘Oi, look there’s little Slytherina, let’s go say hi.”

As they walked over, Severina decided she would just ignore them. That’s what Lily always told her to do. She had never been able to do it before, but there’s a first time for everything. 

“Well, well, well, hello miss Snivelin Slytherina. How are you this fine day?” Potter asked.

She ignored them in hopes that they’d go away.

“You know it’s impolite to ignore someone when they are talking to you,” said Black.

“This is why she’ll never get a boyfriend,” said Pettigrew. Not really an original insult, Potter said it years ago and Pettigrew just keeps it going whenever he can. 

“You’re right Peter, she’ll never get a boyfriend with teeth like that. She should at least clean them once in a while,” said Black.

“Right, we should help her out.” Potter said, “ _Scourgify_ ,” and Severina’s mouth filled with soap.

She threw her book to the side and coughed up the soap into the grass, and spurted out, “Fuck!”

“Tisk tisk, such language.” Potter said.

“Mouth’s not clean enough.” Black said.

“You’re right,” and Potter cast the spell again, and again her mouth filled with soap. 

She thought she might have heard more laughter than just the three boys, but her eyes had started to tear-up and she didn't want to look. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking. Are you sure Snape’s a witch? Personally, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a dick under that skirt.” Said Black as soon as she’d almost spat out the rest of the soap.

“Better turn this one over to be sure. _Levicorpus._ ” Potter said nonchalantly.

Severina’s head spun and she didn’t immediately comprehend what was happening. Her eyes were still teared up and her ears were ringing from coughing up the soap. She felt blood rush to her head and a breeze against her bare thighs as her skirt flipped up, or down rather. She tried reaching for her wand as it flopped around in the pocket of her robes. 

She didn’t hear Lily’s or Lupin’s voice until they were nearly on top of her, or under her as it were.

“James let her down!” Lupin’s voice was almost in her ear.

By now she could hear the laughter and she tried curling up in mortification, reaching for her skirt and trying to cover herself with one hand while the other tried to get at her wand. Another hand was there, trying to cover her and grab her out of the air all at once. 

“Alright, alright, keep your skirts on.” Potter laughed and so did the other voices.

Severina dropped and fell into waiting arms. 

“I’ve got you,” said Remus.

“You think you’re funny,’ said Lily coldly, ‘but you’re just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave her alone.”

“I will if you go out with me, Evans,’ said Potter quickly. ‘Go on… go out with me, and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.” 

“I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” said Lily. 

While Potter and Lily fought, Remus had put Severina on her feet and she was quickly smoothing out her skirt. Severina almost laughed because really the giant squid had a better personality. Her hand finally reaching into the pocket of her robe and she gripped the handle just for comfort.

“Twenty points from Gryffindor for bullying another student!” Remus said with more anger than Severina actually felt at the moment. Which surprised her greatly but it was only a footnote thought as she was still feeling slight vertigo. 

“Alright there, Moony?” Potter asked, giving Lupin a strange look and laughing a little, either in disbelief or in waiting for Lupin to say he was joking.

“No, it’s not alright!”

“It’s just a bit of fun, Remus.” Black said. 

“This is not just a bit of fun!” he growled.

“She’s done loads worse to us before.” Potter defended.

Severina thought that might be fair. She had been trying to create a slicing curse and tested one out on Potter. Nicked him in the leg and there had been a decent amount of blood. At the time it had been a disappointment because Madame Pomfrey was able to heal it quickly and it hadn’t seemed very painful. Now, Severina kinda felt bad about it. She was full of surprises for herself today, it would seem. 

“That’s no excuse! And if Sirius is saying this was a bit of fun, then I’m inclined to believe you lot picked this fight. Retaliation for past wrongs is not the same thing as self-defense. She hasn’t done anything to us since… but it doesn’t matter, just leave her alone.”

Potter looked completely unaffected by Lupin’s whole speech and just kept looking at him like he was a toddler throwing a tantrum. 

“You feel better now?” Potter asked. 

Lupin went really quiet for half a second before his shoulder and arm drew back and like a spring, his fist flew forward and right into the side of Potter’s face.

Everyone gasped and ‘Oooh!’ed. Potter’s head snapped to the side and he stumbled sideways to the ground. Remus hissed through his teeth and shook out his hand. 

“Now, I do.” He said. 

Potter looked up at him from the grass. His eyes were angry and hurt, betrayed. There was a cut on his cheek were Lupin’s knuckles must have ripped the skin a bit. Potter got up furiously and stomped away. Pettigrew followed on his heels. Black looked at Lupin like he wasn't sure what he was looking at before he blinked a few times and turned to follow Potter and Pettigrew. 

Lupin shook his head sadly and turned to Severina. 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Severina looked at him, confused, “Sorry, you punched Potter in the face? You should probably tell Potter.”

“No. I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”

Severina grinned a little, “Are we still talking about punching Potter in the face?”

Remus snorted softly, “No…” he sighed, “Stood up to ‘em.” He shook his head, “He just wouldn’t listen…”

“Trying to reason with Potter is like talking to a brick wall.” Lily said, coming over with a huff and crossing her arms. “He needed a good smack on the head.”

There was a large splash in the lake and they all glance over at the giant squid. 

“I would like to congratulate you on your choice of boyfriend, Lils.” Severina commented.

“What? Potter is _not_ my boyfriend.” Lily scoffed. 

“I meant the giant squid.” Severina clarified.

Remus snorted and started laughing in a crescendo until he doubled over and slapped his thigh. Lily covered her face and was laughing too.

While they laughed, Severina smiled and tried not to think about the ghosting chill on her thighs, nagging at her that she’d just been more exposed to a crowd of her peers than she’d let herself be to anyone, private or otherwise. 

Yeah, she had done worse to Potter before but this felt different and she wasn’t sure how to deal with it. After a moment, she felt fingers slip between hers and a warm palm press against her own. His knuckles were starting to swell and bruise. She looked up at Remus holding her books for her in one arm while his battered hand held hers.

He was smiling at her and Severina felt her embarrassment and any anger or bitterness that may have grown settle and calm within her. While she was caught in the gentle, steady sky of his eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

The Hogwarts Express raced smoothly down its tracks. Meter by meter, Hogwarts ripped away from them at a jarring pace. Severina could only watch the landscape pass by the train’s window like an impatient picture show. Would it but slow a little, so she might enjoy her last few moments in the world of magic that was more a home to her than her own. Thoughts of Spinner’s End loomed over her like an ominous cloud threatening the peace she had acquired this last month. 

She breathed in the clean and familiar scent of the Hogwarts Express. A gentle snore emanated from the comforting weight in her lap. Remus shifted, turning his head so that he was facing the ceiling of the train, tilted slightly toward her stomach. The full moon shone last night, the last night at Hogwarts before the summer. 

Severina brushed her knuckles delicately across Remus’s temple. His ashy-blond hair fascinated her. There was such a variety of shades in his hair, from light-blonde to almost-brown. She threaded her finger through, burying them as though she were delving her fingers into the sand. She left her thumb out so she could continue stroking his temple and his hairline.

She wanted to keep him. 

And what a strange thought that was. 

He felt like a calm within a storm and she wanted to hold on to that. She wanted to revel in it. Rush out into the momentary stillness and soak up the heavy air before the deluge came and threatened to wash away the memory of it. 

His lips parted in restful breaths. 

Would he ever kiss her again? 

She wanted him to. She could physically feel her heartbeat within her chest at the mere thought of it. She removed her hand from his hair and her fingers trembled as she hovered them over his lips. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her fingertips. Her lips tingled in anticipation, even at this unlikely moment. 

She pinched her lips together to stay the prickling desire and curled her fingers into her palm, pulling her fist to her chest. She sighed and let her head fall back against her seat. She turned her attention again to the window. 

Four-years-old, Remus told her when she had asked, 

“How long have you been a werewolf?”

“Oh, uh, nearly… what? A little over eleven years now.”

Severina had felt like she had just been pushed from the astronomy tower. “Eleven years? You were five-years-old?”

“Not quite.” He said quietly, not looking at her.

“Four?”

Remus tried to shrug but he tensed and his jaw kept flexing like he was grinding his teeth a little. Severina hadn’t known what to say or how to respond, but she couldn't help voicing the question born of the shocking realization. Nearly twelve years of...

“How?” and she wasn't exactly sure what she was asking. How did it happen? How at four-years-old? How had he survived? How could he bear it for so long?

Remus’s eyes shot to hers and Severina’s breath caught at the sheer pain and desperation in his eyes. He shook his head.

“All I remember is pain and fear. I was asleep in my bed, waking up into a nightmare. A werewolf came through my window and attacked me, my dad fought him off, saved my life but I had already been bitten.”

Remus raised a shaking hand to his shoulder.

“That’s all I know.” He said, “My dad doesn’t like to talk about it. I think there’s more and I think my dad knows... but he doesn’t like to talk about it to me or my mother. Dumbledore knows too, I think, somehow he knows too.” 

Severina’s mind raced and went blank all at once. Filling with questions and concluding nothing. Remus chewed the insides of his cheeks a few times before finally saying,

“I wonder if I want to know. It’s not like it would make a difference or change anything. I can’t help but ask ‘why’, though... I wait for the moon and for the wolf to tear at my skin and it hurts so much. There's this moment when I know that I've stopped thinking clearly but… but I know that the last clear thought I have is ‘why?’” 

Severina didn’t know why. She didn’t know why, at that moment her arms reached for him in near desperation, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and tucking his head into the crook of her neck. His arms wrapped around her middle and squeezed her through the tremors that shook his body. She shook too and she wondered who was holding who, at that moment. 

“Don’t pity me.” He rasped harshly against her neck.

Pity? She thought. She had never pitied anyone. She wouldn’t even allow self-pity. She rarely felt compassion but she couldn’t help it. Not now, not with Remus, but she knew what he was really asking. She wouldn’t want to be thought any less of because of her misfortunes either. She’d rather be hated for who she was, then be pitied for her circumstances. 

“Okay.” She determined softly, to herself as much as to him.

He squeezed her more tightly and released shuddered breaths into her hair, breathing in her scent. They clung to each other until Remus had to leave to meet Madame Pomfrey and be escorted to the Whomping Willow. Severina hadn't slept last night, listening intently for the howls in the night. 

The door of their train compartment opened. The sound of the opening door cut through the constant rumbling-hum of the train, making it sound louder than it really was due to its suddenness. Remus startled in her lap and groaned, rubbed his hand down his face, and sat up.

“Oh, sorry...” mumbled Lily as she joined them in the train compartment. “I was just saying my goodbyes to some of the girls. Didn’t mean to wake you, Remus.”

Remus cleared his throat, “It’s alright, needed to wake up anyway. How close are we?”

“Nearly there,” Lily informed them. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to enjoy my summer at all, waiting for our OWL scores. It’s going to be torture.” Lily moaned.

Remus chuckled, “I know what you mean. The wait is almost the hardest part.”

The wait. The anticipation of the inevitable. Not just for something as simple as school grades... 

Severina knew she would spend her summer nights watching the waning and waxing of the phasing moon, anticipating the eerie brightness that will come in a month and again the next. She would think of grey-blue eyes glowing silver with the reflection of the filled moon. She would dream of his bones cracking, distorting, and transforming into the snarling, howling snout of the Wolf. She would think of him every night and every full moon. She would hold on to that contrary peace she had found, in the Shrieking Shack among his monster. 

Would he ever think of her?

She looked over at him and caught him mid-yawn. He smiled sheepishly and his eyes held greater laughter than his face, she didn’t quite understand.

“I’m sorry for using you as a pillow.” He said softly, his voice a rolling baritone deepened from sleep. 

Severina blushed and looked down at her lap where his head had been. 

She shrugged. “I didn’t mind,” she murmured.

When they reached the station, Remus hugged her, and Lily in farewell and Severina fought the urge to bury her face in his solid chest and breathe in his earthy scent. She wanted so much to hold on to him, but she resisted the impulse and let him step away from her unencumbered. 

Lily skipped off to say a few more goodbyes. Once she had gone, Remus surprised Severina by dropping his lips to her cheek and letting them brush against her skin. 

“Have a good summer, Severina.” He said, and wrapped his fingers around hers, squeezing lightly and carrying her hand with him for a step. Releasing her hand with a kind smile, he turned to join his parents on the platform. Severina didn’t let her hand drop or fall to her side. Instead, she curled her fingers into her palm and pulled her hand to her chest as though to store him there.

"Take care, Remus," she thought aloud and wished for the trees to fall with autumn leaves. 


	6. Chapter 6

Summer at Spinner’s End was, in many ways, the same as always. Tobias was a drunk, temperamental ass and Eileen was a bitter, self-entitled witch who preferred to blame everyone around her for her problems but herself. 

This summer, however, Severina decided that she was old enough to get a job and so she asked Tobias if there might be anything open at the Mill.

“For a scrawny laze-about like you? Doubt it.” Tobias snorted in derision when she suggested it. 

As it so happened, however, there was a summer position to work in the clerk’s office. Mr. Evans was the accountant at the Mill and he accepted her rather-sad résumé with a smile.

“Oh, I doubt I even need to look at this. Lily says you’re the reason she’s done so well in certain classes. I had offered this position to my girls but they weren’t too keen on being cooped up with their old man all day.” He said with a sanguine smile that was much like Lily’s but his eyes were sad. 

Mr. Evans was a sensible and quiet man and Severina spent most days in near-complete silence as she organized payrolls and he signed off on them. One day, however, Severina had noticed a redundancy in an outsourcing account and Mr. Evans had said,

“Severina, you may as well have saved this Mill quite a lot of money. I was worried we wouldn’t be able to give Christmas bonuses this year, but I think we’ll have enough and it’s thanks to you. I know, you’ll not grow up to be something as mundane as an accountant when you’re done with Hogwarts, but you certainly have a knack for numbers.” 

Severina smiled and warmed at his praise. She noticed again the flicker of sadness in his eyes and wondered at it.

“Actually I do quite enjoy my Arithmancy classes- a branch of magic which uses maths to attempt to predict the future.”

“Oh, like Hari Seldon?” Mr. Evans asked and then chuckled at her blank expression, “Forgive me. Hari Seldon is a character in the science fiction novel, _Foundation_ by Isaac Asimov. The character is a mathematician who predicts the future fall of an empire. I suppose he must’ve been a wizard, then.”

Severina regarded Mr. Evans a moment. “Maybe not necessarily. I wonder… Arithmancy doesn’t technically require magical abilities. It is more, a mental discipline. I wonder if you might enjoy Arithmancy, Mr. Evans. I know Lily is taking Divination, which is a different type of magical discipline that attempts to predict the future, but I would be happy to loan you my Arithmancy text if you are interested.”

Mr. Evans’s smile was as sanguine as ever but his eyes held a hope that hadn’t been there before. 

“I would like that very much. I tell you what, I’ll loan you my copy of _Foundation_ in return. How about that?” 

Severina found that she absolutely loved _Foundation_ and she thought, ‘Remus would like this book.’ That happened to her a lot, randomly thinking about Remus and she had stopped trying to fight it. Severina was walking with Tobias to the Mill, intermittently reading _Foundation_ when her father cleared his throat awkwardly.

“So, Mr. Evans came to talk to me the other day.”

Severina lowered her book and looked up at Tobias. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and continued,

“He says you’re doing well up in the office; said you're pretty good at maths. They actually teach you normal stuff at that school?” His words were a little rough but his voice held only a gentle rasp that suggested it was a genuine question. Severina wondered briefly if this was what a father/daughter moment felt like.

Her lips twitched.

“Yeah, sometimes. If you’re smart enough to see it.”

Tobias studied his daughter a moment and jerked his head in something like approval. Homelife was just a bit easier after that. Tobias still drank a beer at breakfast and about eight more after work, but there was an ease in the routine that hadn’t been there before. Tobias didn’t fuss when Severina declared that she was going to keep half of her pay for school and he even told Eileen that he’d cut back a beer or two of it meant Eileen would shut up about Severina not pitching-in enough around the house. 

Really, Eileen just hated cleaning the muggle way and Severina used to help clean the house during the summers, but since she was working, she wasn’t cleaning as much. Tobias tended to complain about the house being a mess and Eileen would mouth off and depending on how drunk Tobias was, he might smack her around for it. Severina decided to risk her own smacking when she suggested, on their way home from the Mill one day,

“I know you don’t like Mum to use magic in the house, but the house would be cleaner.”

Tobias only grunted in response, but the next day Eileen started keeping her wand in her pocket and the house was cleaner and brighter.

Severina sat on the stoop of Spinner’s End and stared up at the night sky. The days were shortening and the air was chilling. The moon was full that night and Severina’s stomach tingled and she shivered. She thought about Remus every night and at random times throughout the day, but no more so than when the moon was full and the night was lit silver. 

She thought of his head resting in her lap as he slept on the train and how she ran her fingers through his hair. She thought about his lips and of his shy and sometimes playful smiles. She thought about the soft understanding that he always carried in his eyes. 

She groaned in annoyance with herself and threw her head into her lap. Of course, she had developed a crush on the first boy to show her a bit of kindness and friendship. She sighed and decided that she wasn't going to make a fool of herself over her first school crush. She hoped that Remus would want to continue to be friends but beyond that, she determined that she really didn't want to overcomplicate things between them. 


	7. Chapter 7

Remus woke on the cold hard floor of the shed behind his parent’s house to a soft knock on the scratched-up door. 

“Remus, dear? Are you awake?” Came his mother’s muffled gentle-voice.

Remus rolled on his back and threw his arm over his eyes. He hissed when he felt how sore his wrist was. He pulled his hand away from himself to examine the source of discomfort. His wrist was red, angry, and bleeding a little. 

He wasn’t surprised. Nevertheless, it was disconcerting to wake and find that he had hurt himself without any memory of it. There weren’t any bite marks, so it was more likely he had licked his paw raw until it bled. Remus sometimes wondered if his Wolf hated him as much as he hated it.

His mother knocked again, more tentatively.

“Remus, sweetheart?”

Remus stared at the door feeling guilty for worrying her but wishing he didn’t have to be responsible for his mother’s feelings while he lay naked and bleeding on the dirty floor of the shed.

He tried to keep his voice even, “Yeah, Mum. Sorry, just waking up.” 

“Of course, love. I’ve left some clothes just outside the door and I have soft boiled eggs and bacon when you come in.”

“Thanks Mum, be in in a minute.” Remus said and tried to ignore the hot tears building in his eyes. 

He waited until he heard her steps in the distance. Then he cracked open the door and grabbed the clothes and the healing salve. The salve wasn’t on par with Madame Pomfrey’s, but it was better than nothing. He rubbed the ointment into his wrist and it was at least not bleeding anymore. 

When he entered the kitchen he kissed his mother’s cheek good morning and she patted his cheek fondly in return. His father greeted him with a smile and a, “‘morning, son.”

After Remus had eaten most of his breakfast, his father announced in subdued cheerfulness, like he was trying hard to pretend everything was normal and okay and that his son hadn’t just spent last night howling and scratching at the door of the shed,

“I just got paid, so I was thinking we could go ahead to Diagon Alley and get your school things today. Now, how’s that sound?”

Remus tried to smile in a way that didn’t appear too forced. After all his father was trying. 

“That sounds great, Dad,” Remus smiled.

Diagon Alley was full of students, most of whom he recognized and several smiled and waved at him as he passed. His belly fluttered at the realization that he would be returning to Hogwarts soon. He was excited and yet uneasy. 

He had tried to keep up a correspondence with his friends. He wasn’t one to hold a grudge and he didn’t want to live in a dorm room with people who hated him. He hadn’t apologized to James, exactly. He wasn’t actually sorry about punching James for exposing Severina to the school the way he had. Remus had written, however, that he hoped they were still friends. It was James, after all, who accepted him even though he was a werewolf and a dark creature and it was James who rallied the others to become animagus and keep him company during the full moons. Transformations without them were getting worse and worse.

Waiting for a reply had been hard. Only Peter answered his first letter and Remus had to find out from Peter that Sirius had run away from home and was now living with the Potters. That hurt. Not that he was jealous of Sirius running away from home or that he was staying with James, it was that by the time they wrote to him, it was old news. Remus couldn’t tell if they were still mad at him or if they had simply been too busy. 

Remus tried to convince himself that it was okay and that it didn’t bother him. He understood that while they were all friends, James and Sirius were the closest. It didn’t really bother him, but it did make his friendship with them feel unstable and uncertain at times. Like if he made the wrong move, he would be out of the pack…err, the group. 

“Oh look, Remus, isn’t that James and Sirius looking at the new brooms?” His mother asked. 

“Why don’t you go say hi. We’ll start on your supplies.” His father said with a pat on his shoulder. 

After his parents left him to his own devices, Remus took a deep breath. He meant to step forward. He meant to go over and make nice. Make sure he still had friends.

“Remus!” exclaimed a sweet familiar voice.

Remus's head spun to the sound of his name and saw Lily Evans approaching him.

“Oh, hello Lily.” He smiled at her, relieved for the respite, “How was your summer?”

“It was lovely. How’d you do on your OWL’s?”

“Umm... not too bad. You?” He had been very happy with his scores. Mostly O’s and a few E’s.

“Oh, I was very happy with mine- all O’s and only two E’s- until Sev said she received all O’s!”

“Oh?” 

Remus was unaware that his countenance brightened at the mention of Severina. He was, however, acutely aware of how his heart skipped a few beats. Lily gave him a knowing look.

“Yes. She’s in Flourish and Blotts with my dad. Looking at Arthimancy books of all things.”

Remus’s eyes immediately darted to the bookshop as if he might see her through its walls. Merlin, he had thought about Severina nearly every day and kicked himself for not having exchanged addresses so that he could have kept in touch. 

“Oh…” Remus said and then cheekily, “Should we rescue your father, do you think?”

Lily laughed, “Yes we had better.”

Remus followed Lily into Flourish and Blotts, looking briefly back at Quality Quidditch Supplies. James and Sirius were talking animately and laughing. Remus shook off the twinging regret and jealousy and turned instead to the hope of seeing Severina.


	8. Chapter 8

The lingering musky smell of books assaulted Remus and flooded him with eager excitement. He felt that freshness which anticipated the turning of seasons and proceeded the coming of the school year. Strange that a feeling of new beginnings should juxtapose nature’s preparation to whither and fall into cold slumbering winter. 

Remus thought that it made sense though, in a way, that he should seek out the warmth within the cold. Like a bundling up under the snow, hiding away in a dark den while storms rage, and finding those quiet moments between the noise of life. Perhaps appreciation could only hold meaning in those times. In those moments of warmth amid coldness and peace in the moments before the screaming storms– autumn before the winter, the moon before the Wolf, and Severina...

Was she the calm or the storm? 

She fit in here somehow, in this feeling of hope and anticipation. She fit between comforting warmth and dangerous cold. She belonged here with the smell of books, the eager excitement, but also with that withering decent into a freezing sleep. 

Remus could smell her among the books. He could sense her among his excitment. He could almost imagine her taste on his lips, her fingers in his hair, and her body in his arms. 

She was here. 

She was nearer than she had been during all of the warmth of summer. She came as if with the chilling change and Remus fevered at her scent. 

Lily joined her father and Remus fought to stay polite enough to greet Mr. Evans before he swiftly excused himself. He did not ask Severina’s whereabouts but followed her scent through the freestanding shelves of books towards the back corner, where the darker texts were kept. He slipped into the cover of darkened shadows and stilled. 

She was turned away from him. Her inky hair like a veil and her elegant fingers turned a page in the book she held.

He imagined himself approaching her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back to his chest. He would breathe in her scent through her hair and the soft skin of her neck. He would be surrounded in her warmth and by her scent while all else faded into insignificance. In his mind, she would turn her face to his and her eyes would smile. She would kiss him like it was the most natural thing in the world to greet him with her lips. Her taste would satiate him and still leave him with a hunger that bordered glutinous want, just like before. 

Damn summer, Remus thought. Damn the warmth and the distance it put between them. 

His hand trembled and he fisted it at his side. It wanted to damn him by daring to reach out and touch her. His mouth watered and his tongue slipped between his teeth. He couldn't distinguish himself from the Wolf at such a moment of temptation. It wanted to taste her again. His feet took a step forward. 

Severina turned, snapped the book closed and her eyes flashed dangerously just before she realized who it was who snuck up on her.

"Remus?” his name slipped breathy from her tongue through her lips like a sigh of relief and Remus snapped.

In a stride he was pulling her to him, slipping both hands through her hair to cup her face. Her lips were softer and her taste was sweeter than he remembered. He dropped a hand to wrap around her waist as she freed one of hers from the grip on her book, the only thing between their bodies, and she ran her fingers up his shoulder and neck into his hair. 

Gods he missed her. He hadn't even realized how much until she was right in front of him, until he was drowning in her scent, feeling her solidly in his arms, and her taste on his tongue. She moaned and he felt it in his chest where his heartbeat ferociously against its cage. 

He stepped into her, pushing her against the stack of books. She fisted his hair and held herself against his exploring mouth. She still held her book between them with one hand and Remus wanted to toss it away with a vengeance for distancing them, but he was distracted as his fingers caught the hem of her jumper and he slipped them under to feel the burning heat of her skin. 

She gasped and moaned and Remus forgot everything else. He forgot his pain last night and the ever-looming loneliness of his curse. Here, with Severina, he lost himself in pleasure and desire, understanding and acceptance, and a truer companionship than he had found until now. 

The Wolf wanted her. More than want, it needed her and Remus was tired of fighting his Wolf all the fucking time. Why not give in a little?

She pulled away panting and Remus nuzzled her temple, brushed his lips on the tender skin and breathed in the smell of her hair- sweet and musky, earthy with a bit of spice, and something else… something like air or wind or... Remus smiled and chuckled gently as he realized she smelled like the autumn breeze. 

“Remus,” she said his name again, the only word spoken between them since he saw her. Her voice was enough to make his knees weak and his eyelids to fall heavy so he wouldn’t be distracted by sight when Severina’s voice was in his ears. 

“Remus,” she said again, “I-I thought that we were… that we were friends?” Her question was confused and dazed.

Remus jerked his head back. He still had an arm wrapped around her waist, a hand in her hair, fighting the urge to press his hardening groin against her hip. 

He blinked and tried to search her face but her head was down and all he could see was the crease on her brow. His Wolf howled at him and he tried to tell it to shut up and let him think. 

“I didn't think that... I didn't think you... Is it because of the full moon last night?” She asked and her hand on the book twitched. She still wouldn’t look up at him, instead she was fighting against looking at the book in her hand. 

Remus pulled the book from her grasp and she didn’t resist.

_The Werewolf of Bedburg: A Comprehensive Case Study of Peter Stumpp and the Lycanthrope’s Descent into Debauchery, Insanity, and Cannibalism._

Remus’s mind went blank and his body shook. His eyes snapped to Severina’s but she was looking at the book with cool interest. She reached for it but he yanked it out of her reach. Her eyes finally turned to his. 

“Severina,” Remus asked carefully, seriously, and terrified of what her answer might be, “are you scared of me?”

Severina blinked at him. The corners of her lips twitched, her eyes crinkled and her eyebrow arched. 

“No. Of course not. I only want to understand. I want to help you if I can.” 

“Help me? With this?” He wiggled the book beside his head. 

Severina clicked her tongue. “It could be useful. Might give insight. It could be full of shite but what if it isn’t? What if…’ she swallowed and looked at him hard, “What if that is your future? Wouldn’t you want to know? Wouldn’t you want to know if there were signs? If there were precursors? Wouldn’t you want to be able to head them off?”

Remus looked again at the book, finally venturing inside. The book had illustrations intermittently: a monstrous wolf’s paw being cut from its body and then a man with a stump at the end of his arm; a half-man half-wolf devouring a child. Remus flipped furiously, his stomach turning violently at the progression. The man was tied to a wheel of sorts, his limbs stretched out, hot pokers tore at his skin, another man poised above him to slice off of his head. Then last, Peter Stumpp’s head on a pike. 

He wanted to answer her. He wanted to say of course didn’t want to end up like this. Another part of him railed against the very notion that _he_ ever could. Laughter in his head that sounded like James and Sirius laughing it off like some ridiculous joke, ignoring the possibility. 

Remus knew better than to believe the laughter or to take any comfort from forced optimism. Anything could happen. In a world where muggle nightmares are a reality, where a four-year-old isn’t safe in his bed, any horror is possible. Remus swallowed and shook his head. He meant to answer her, he meant to say something but his Wolf was growling. 

Cool fingers brushed his hair in a comforting manner. She was hesitant as first, unsure but gained a little confidence when he sighed and leaned into her touch. 

“I don’t think you are capable of that Remus, but what if your Wolf is? What if it wants to drive you to that? I want to help...to help you with your monster, you know? Because we’re friends, right?” 

He knew she was trying. Just like his father and his mother, just like the Marauders. All trying to help him in their ways. But he was tired of other people trying to help him with his own monster. The Wolf was his burden to bear, his responsibility. He could control the Wolf himself... all it wanted was a taste...

“I don't need you to try to help me and I don’t want to be friends.” He said and supressed a growl.

Severina’s face twisted in confusion and her eyes filled with pain just before Remus stole her lips again, demanding more than she offered. It was what he wanted and what the Wolf wanted; for some reason or some instinct, he was greedy for her.

The kiss was swift and communicative, ”I don’t want to be friends, ” he repeated softly.

Severina’s eyes searched his face. Her eyes were completely black, only a sliver of silver distinguishing pupil from iris, like an eclipse.

She placed a hand above his heart feeling it beat against her palm, “Then kiss me again, Remus, ” she begged him.

Remus let out a breathy sigh and his chest slumped into her hand on his heart. He took his time lowering his mouth to hers and hers reaching up to his. He didn’t close his eyes, he couldn’t, the moment too heavy. He watched their lips meet, melting together against pillowing softness. She pressed herself more firmly against him and he held her there. 

The book fell from his hands and landed with a _thud_ against the floor. Remus lost himself in Severina as she did in him and the Wolf smiled against his dark witch's lips.


	9. Chapter 9

“Padfoot?” James nudged Sirius.

“Yeah?” Sirius looked over to James, but James was staring at something a little ways away from them.

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” 

Sirius followed his gaze.

“I-I don’t know. Are you seeing Moony and Snape holding hands?” Sirius asked, unsure whether or not he was experiencing shock.

“Yeah… Are we sharing a nightmare do you think?” James asked. 

“That must be it. There is no other explanation.” Sirius nodded enthusiastically.

“Right. I mean, if Moony did like Snape, then he would have told us.” James said, ruffling his hair and scratching his head. 

“Course. He wouldn’t just not tell us he… and Snape… right?” Sirius asked, laughing in little huffs. 

“Yeah, right. So what’s he playing at?” James asked, unamused.

“Evans is with them. Should we go over and say hi?” Sirius suggested.

“Don’ know, looks like they’re meeting up with their parents,” James said a little uncertain he was ready to face Mr. Evans, yet. 

“He’s introducing her to his parents, before us?” Sirius scoffed.

“This is shite, Pads. I don’t like this at all.” James grumbled.

They watched until Lily, her Dad, and Snape said their goodbyes, and Remus went away with his parents. 

“I guess I can understand why he punched me, you know? I mean if someone had been doing to Lily what we… I probably would’ve punched him too.” James said and the admission pained him.

“Yeah, I guess… so what, we’re okay with this, then?” Sirius asked.

James shrugged. “Probably get a date with Lily, finally.” He laughed, “The things I do for love. Come on, let’s break-in the new broom. We’ll see Moony on the train. ”

———

Remus’s parents looked like they are walking on eggshells for the rest of the day until Remus’s father braved a talk with him in his room after he headed up for bed. 

“She already knows. If that’s what you’re worried about and no, before you ask, I didn’t tell her. She figured it out herself. She’s really very clever.” only Remus didn’t feel that his parents needed to know she was actually in the room with the wolf and hadn’t really intended for both of them to walk out of the shack alive. 

“Remus, I know you like this girl, but I just want to caution you. With your condition… I want you to be smart about it. I just want to make sure you’ve thought this through… I don’t want you to get hurt and I know you, son if you ever hurt anyone you’d never forgive yourself. You’re a credit to us, Remus, you know that? You do well in school, you’re a Gryffindor Prefect, you have good friends, but relationships can be messy. You sort of sprung a girlfriend on us all of a sudden. You hadn’t really even mentioned her before. ”

“I know Dad and it may seem like I’m being impulsive, but Severina and I had become friends. I guess I didn’t tell you because… I don’t know. Maybe I was being selfish. Maybe I wanted to keep her all to myself, but then I saw her again and I realized that wasn’t going to be enough for me.”

His dad regarded his son and sighed, “She seems like a nice enough girl, not exactly the kind of girl I imagined you’d introduce us to one day. I guess I wanted to make sure… You said she already knows and that she figured it out herself. What I want to make sure is that you aren’t getting into a relationship with this girl _because_ she already knows about your condition.”

“Dad…” Remus scoffed, but could he be just dating Sev because she was the only girl who knew about his being a werewolf?

Remus looked at his hands, instead of at his father, thinking aloud, “Severina calms me. We like each other. We hadn’t been friends for very long but for the short time that we were, I found it’s surprisingly easy to talk to her, easier than talking to any of the guys. We can talk for hours about anything and everything, and I’m sure it’d bore other people to tears but we feed off each other without judgment and we lose time just talking…’

“She’s wicked smart and she has this sense of humor that makes me laugh harder than it probably should because no one else seems to get her, but I do and that makes me feel, I don’t know, special. I like being the one who can see the good about her because so few others seem to.’ 

“All I know, is I want this and I never usually know what I want. I mean, I don’t know that’ll it’ll work out forever if we’ll fall in love and get married or anything like that, but I trust her and it's hard to trust people sometimes.’

“I just want to know what that’s like. I want to have a girlfriend. I mean I’m 16 isn’t that normal?” Remus teared up, looked up at his father, and his voice shuddered, “I just want to be normal." 

“Son… I just worry that… it sounds a little like a relationship of convenience. You’re a bit young for something like that. Those don’t always end up being mutual. One or both end up getting hurt or feel like their settling… Are sure she feels the same way?”

Remus swallowed, “Does that make me a bad person? Convenience as opposed to what, inconvenience? I’d prefer convenience, comfort, something easy, and uncomplicated. I have enough complications in my life already. I have enough… discomfort. I think Severina is perfect for me.”

His dad gripped his shoulder and sighed heavily, “Just don’t grow up _so_ fast on us son.”

Remus nodded and tried to smile as they said goodnight. After his dad left, Remus let himself fall to his back and studied the ceiling. 

He and Sev may not be the stuff of some great romantic saga. Their lives may not be full of passion and romance, but that’s not to say those things would be absent. He and Sev could have something solid together, something easy and steady, something that could actually work, something he could depend on. He needed that. 

If she could love him, she would never leave him. He knew that about her. There was something intensely loyal about Severina. 

He just had to make sure she fell in love with him. 

James was fond of saying, “You can’t help who you love,” when Lily once again rejected his advances and no one could quite understand why James persisted with her. Remus thought that was bullshit, that you can’t help who you love. Maybe you couldn’t help who you felt attraction toward, but that didn’t mean you had pursue everyone you felt attraction with, the way Sirius went through life. 

No, for Remus love was a choice. A choice he never thought he would make because his dad was right, with his condition he did have to be smart about it. He had to think about the implications, he had to be careful. Not just for himself but for his partner too. 

Maybe he was doing all of this backward. Maybe that’s what his dad meant. Usually, attraction comes first and then you build the foundations later, work out the practical parts of the relationship later, the conveniences.

With Sev, it was like he found a foundation just waiting for someone to build on, waiting for someone who wouldn’t just destroy it and try to build something else in its place, someone who would appreciate that there was already solid ground here. That was what Severina was for him. She was his rock, his grounding force, his quiet place of refuge. He wouldn’t change her for anything. 

Remus huffed a short laugh. 

He wouldn’t have to. She would probably build the house around him. Remus could imagine life with Severina in ten and twenty years… He wouldn’t be able to hold a steady job because no one would keep a werewolf employed for long. Severina wouldn’t mind or care, she would have her own career and ambitions. All she would need from him would be to not hold her back, not resent her, appreciate her for herself. In return, she would provide for him and take care of him. 

Maybe they would have a potions shop of some sort. She would let him help in some capacity. He would never be without healing salves or calming draughts or potions for pain. He couldn’t believe his luck, honestly. He couldn’t think of a more perfectly comfortable situation for himself. 

Was that wrong of him? Was he being selfish? 

Remus felt his chest choke with tears. 

He wanted that life so much it hurt. He wanted that feeling of safety and comfort. He wanted someone who would take care of him like that. He wanted the quiet nights between the full moons. He wanted the soothing fingers through his hair and the hushing comfort of her rich voice. 

She would be good to him and he could appreciate her more than anyone else could. He was convinced of it. 

He couldn’t even imagine them fighting about anything. What would they fight about? Maybe they would get frustrated or stressed about a situation and take it out on each other, but that’s easy enough to forgive once the situation is taken care of. Money? They would figure it out. They both came from families with little to nothing and would know how to prioritize things financially. Infidelity? He couldn’t imagine Severina would be the type and he certainly wasn’t. He and Sev should probably talk about that at some point, but he was confident she would agree that infidelity was just illogical. 

Had his dad imagined him with someone prettier, more upbeat? Would attraction be an issue? He enjoyed kissing Severina. They kissed several times now and he definitely liked it… really liked it, but then he was a 16-year-old boy; it didn’t really take much. Remus didn’t think sex would be an issue for them. Sex was such an intimate act and… Remus felt he would enjoy sex more with someone he trusted and was comfortable with. He could have that with Sev. He could have late nights and lazy mornings exploring pleasure with Severina. He’d go at her pace. He’d learn every inch of her. He’d spend his life perfecting her pleasure. He imagined her moans would be intoxicating. He already missed the taste of her lips and imagined kissing down her body… Remus swallowed and felt heat build all over. It was okay to think about her like that, wasn’t it? She was his girlfriend, it was normal. 

Remus felt impatient for the future that he imagined for them. He missed her presence already. She really did feel like a grounding force when he was with her because now he felt so lost. He felt like he could be blown away by the wind. 

He turned to look out his window and watched moonlit leaves blowing in the wind, not ready to fall yet. 

Hope was an addicting feeling. He was going to have that future with her. He would make it work. It would be a reality one day. 

———

“So… should I make myself scarce on the train and let you and your _boyfriend_ have some time alone?” Lily teased, wagging her eyebrows.

“Lily…” Severina grumbled and blushed. Lily hadn’t stopped teasing her since she found the couple in Flourish and Botts. 

“Oh look, there he is,” Lily said pointing toward the Lupins.

“Merlin, Lily, put your finger down,” Sev grabbed her hand and pinned it to her side, “it’s impolite to point.”

Lily giggled and Severina smirked in turn. 

When Remus saw them, his eyes locked on Severina and his face brightened as if he had been waiting to see her all day. 

Lily started laughing at her, “Oh Sev, you’ve got it bad for that boy.”

“Shut up, Lily, he’s coming over.”

“You didn’t deny it.” She said in a sing-song voice.

“Shut it, Lily.” Sev hissed quietly now that Remus was close enough to hear.

“Hi Remus,” Lily tittered innocently (not). 

Remus wasted no time pulling Severina into a hug, holding her against his chest and resting his cheek on her hair, “Hello, Lily, ready to be back at Hogwarts?”

“I am Mr. Lupin, thank you for asking.” Lily smiled cheekily.

“That’s lovely to hear, Miss Evans,” Remus replied, playing along. 

He chuckled and Severina could hear it rumble through his torso. She turned her face into his chest to hide her blush and Remus leaned back to look down at her in his arms. She peered up at him and was arrested by his eyes. His eyes always felt like they could look right through her. His gaze flicked to her mouth and he bit his lip.

“Hi,” he said low and breathy.

“Hi,” she answered like a sigh.

“Oh Merlin, you two are going to give me a toothache. I’ll go find seats.” Lily announced before turning toward the train. 

The couple barely acknowledged her departure watching her leave and then turning back to each other. Severina felt her heart as if it were rising up her chest. If Remus kept looking at her like that, she wasn’t sure she could keep herself from falling in love with him more quickly than was rational. She doubted she could stop falling as it was. She just hoped he’d be there to catch her when she did. 

Remus gasped as he cupped her face and brushed her temple with the pad of his thumb, “Sev… Merlin, Sev, the way you look at me sometimes.”

Severina groaned silently and let her forehead fall into his chest. His fingers stroked down the side of her face and she felt the warmth of his breath and the soft press of his lips against her hair. She begged him silently, _Please, don’t break me._

———

They met Lily on the train in an empty compartment but had barely settled in when the Marauders swaggered in. 

“Hey, Moony, long time no see,” said James, “Snape.” He nodded in acknowledgment, ran his hand through his hair, and cleared his throat, then swiftly turned his attention to Lily, “Evans, you’re looking as gorgeous as ever. Did you have a good summer?” and proceeded to draw Lily into conversation. 

Lily and Severina blinked at each other and Remus’s eyebrows felt like they were trying to reach his hairline. Peter lifted his hand in a general, “Hey.” Sirius looked to be chewing on the insides of his cheeks and gave a half-hearted smile before plopping himself down. 

Remus smiled at Severina, feeling rather relieved and his chest warmed at his friends trying to be accepting of Sev. He hadn’t even told them yet… they must have seen them together earlier. 

Severina sat by the window and Remus next to her. He listened to her talk about her summer working with Lily’s Dad until Lily stood and reminded him, 

“Remus, we have a Prefect meeting.” Lily’s voice was wary, looking between Sev and the Marauders.

“We’ll be nice.” James smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

Sirius wasn’t quite glaring at Sev, but it was close. Peter looked to James’s lead and smiled. 

“Alright,” Remus sighed, and as he stood he pressed his lips to Sev’s hair, “You have my permission to hex them if they get out of line, yeah?”

Sev shrugged like it was no big deal, but in reality, she was feeling a bit on edge. 

Once Lily and Remus were gone, Sev turned her attention to the window and looked out while actually paying attention to movements in her peripheral. Potter spent his time regaling Pettigrew with descriptions of his time records with his new broom. Black hadn’t finished glaring and after a few minutes of deliberation, he moved to sit beside her where Remus had been. Severina continued to look out the window and tried ignored him. 

“So what are your intentions towards our boy Remus, then?” 

Severina rolled her eyes and huffed. 

“I assure you, my intentions are as honorable as they come,” she snarked.

Black scoffed.

“So, what, you’re going to settle down and get married or some rot?”

Severina shrugged, “We are only sixteen, Black.”

“Yeah, and so far, the majority of people who know about Moony are in this compartment.”

Severina bit her cheeks and turned to glare at him.

“I’m not going to tell anyone. Dumbledore made sure I wouldn’t be able to.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Then spit it out.”

Black ground his teeth frustrated that he couldn’t articulate what he was thinking. 

“I’m not going to hurt him, Black. If that’s what you’ve come to so eloquently warn me against.”

“You will and he won’t even realize it. You’re no good for him. You’ll bring him down to your level. I don’t know what he sees in you… Honestly, its probably because you’re the only girl who knows about Moony. Basically, you’re just the last girl on earth for him. If it ends badly, he knows you can’t tell.”

“You accuse me of being bad for him and then accuse him of using me. Which is it Black?”

“Both,” he shrugged. “It will be more evident as you both carry on. You’ll be toxic to each other.”

“You think Remus is capable of toxicity?”

“I think you are.”

The compartment door opened and Remus and Lily returned. James forgot Peter immediately and turned to Lily. Remus stood looking at the only free seat on the other side of Sirius. 

Severina wondered at the pause. Black didn’t look like he even considered moving so Remus could sit next to her again and Remus looked like he was going to just accept that.

Did everyone just walk all over Remus all the time? Punching Potter must have been a stroke of brashness Remus didn’t know how to access as the others did. Severina turned to Black and snapped,

“Move your ass, Black.” 

Black blinked at her, then looked at Remus, and smiled with an insincere apology.

“Sorry mate,” and he slid over. 

Remus smiled kindly and sat, turning to her and expecting her to continue the conversation where they left off, but Severina was riddled with Black’s words. Was she just convenient? The only option he felt he had? 

He wasn’t that to her. She had thought of him almost every day over the summer. He was kind, thoughtful, he stood up to his friends for her. He was smart, had his own wry sense of humor and she was never bored talking to him which was saying something because most people bored her to tears. She loved Lily but Lily could sometimes talk about the most inane things. 

She really… liked Remus…

Maybe they weren’t the most normal couple, but that didn’t make them toxic. Besides, it hadn’t been her idea to date. It had been Remus who wanted this, who wanted her. 

Remus wanted her. Didn’t he? 

She felt the warmth of his fingers brush the hair from her face and asked her softly, 

“Hey, everything okay? Did something happen? Did Sirius say something to you? Do you want to talk about it?”

Oh, Merlin, he was going to be one of those smothering types wasn’t he? She never really had that before… someone to fuss over her. Her parents weren’t really the type. Lily sort of did but Lily was all over the place. 

Severina took his hand and spoke softly so only he could hear, “You want this don’t you?” She squeezed his hand.

He blinked in confusion but smiled warmly and his smile warmed her from within; not hot and burning, but soothing and soft, spreading warmth from her chest to her cheeks and her fingertips. He shifted so he was turned toward her and their knees were touching. He ran his thumb across the back of her hand and looked her in the eye, 

“Of course I do.”

“I’m not just convenient?” She asked, unable to hide her vulnerability.

He swallowed, his face fell and there, in his eyes flashed guilt. Just like that, all the warmth constricted into a lump of emotion she could not swallow lest her eyes tear up. She looked away and slipped her hand from his. Remus’s head snapped to Sirius and growled, 

“What did you say to her?”

Everyone’s attention darted between Remus, Sirius, and Severina. Remus was furious, Sirius surprised and Severina stood up,

“Just the truth apparently.” She said, gathered her coat, and left the compartment. 

“Sev, wait…” he followed her out and had to grip her wrist a little way down the walkway to stop her, “Let’s just talk about this, please.”

“Talk about what Remus? That I’m just your only option?”

“It’s not like that…”

“So I’m not your only option, just the most convenient option?”

“Stop it. Stop putting words in my mouth. I haven’t said anything of the sort.”

“You didn’t have to, it was written all over your face. Why did you ask me to be your girlfriend, then? You introduced me to your parents, Remus, I don’t understand why.”

“Because I wanted to, damn it! Because I want this and I don’t just mean right now or this year or even just while we’re at Hogwarts. I want to be with you Sev, for a long time. I want to be together… and I want to still be together for as long as possible. Are you convenient? Yes of course you are, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I’d count myself lucky to have such an easy convenient relationship.”

“Easy… we are already fighting.”

Remus laughed and wrapped his hands around her waist. 

“This isn’t fighting. We had a miscommunication and we are talking it out. This isn’t being violent, or passive-aggressive, or shouting, or being stubborn. This is more healthy already than some couples achieve in a lifetime, I imagine.”

Sev bit her lip, “I ran off… If I was more angry than hurt, I might’ve reacted worse… said something unforgivable. I don’t know that I’ll be any good at a relationship.”

“Well, I ran after you and words don’t bother me so much. Besides no one is good at relationships. Let’s see… I’ll always come after you Sev, and if you need space, just tell me and I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready. Just never be afraid to talk to me. Like back there, it was good that you asked me about whether I just wanted the relationship because it was convenient. I didn’t react the best, but it wasn’t because of you, it was because I thought Sirius might’ve been cruel to you.”

“Honestly, it was a bit mild from what I’m used to from him. I think he’s just trying to look out for you. You kind of let people walk all over you, Remus.”

“Is that why you told Sirius to move his ass?”

“Yeah.”

Remus laughed and then said seriously, “I think we will be really great together, Sev. Don’t give up on us yet.”

Severina sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him down. Remus smirked a little and pulled her waist in. She made to kiss him but he pulled just out of reach, with a widening grin, teasing her. Severina shook her head and let him come to her, but still, he teased her lips with brushes and chases, landing kisses at the corners of her mouth, across her cheekbones and her chin. 

He made her chase his mouth until she was pressed completely up against his height, reaching up on her toes to catch his lips. He was panting with their little game he started. He had driven himself to desperation and his mouth captured hers in a consuming kiss. 

The kiss lasted until a throat cleared at the compartment’s open door. Sirius stood with his arms crossed and leaning against the open door. He didn’t quite meet their eyes.

“Sorry ‘bout what I said. Evans’s told me off, said your relationship’s none of my business. Well… If you’re done making up,” He swallowed, “I’ll stay out of it.”

Remus took her hand and pulled her toward the compartment and patted Sirius’s shoulder. 

“Nah, it’s okay Padfoot. Glad you did. It’s all worked out now.”

Severina met Sirius’s eyes a moment before she followed Remus in and Sirius followed after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They kiss a lot… I don’t know why that is. 
> 
> Question... Thoughts, feelings about this fic developing into a Sev/Remus/Sirius triad relationship? I'd like to write one eventually. It doesn't have to be this fic, but I wanted to know what you all thought.


End file.
